Everyone knows how dating apps work. And if you don’t because you haven’t used them, you’re missing out on a very important rite of passage. Or you’re one of those lucky bitches happily in love with your high school or uni sweetheart. Anyway, often dating apps are used as a game. It’s fun looking at profile pictures and deciding with the flick of a finger whether you’d do them or not. There’s a fleeting thrill when the window pops up saying: It’s a match! And then you forget about them, until it’s 2am and you’re really, really bored or drunk. Or both.
Before you meet
It all starts very casual. You swipe right on a guy with standard dating app photos: Group shots with his mates and photos of him on his travels from far away. He’s opened with a line that’s neither boring: Hello or disgusting: Nice tits. You’ve chatted back and forth or a few days. Conversation ebbs and flows:
Him: Favourite takeaway?
You: Massaman curry. You?
Him: Pad thai. Good to know we’re compatible.
You don’t think much of this guy. Especially because you’re chatting to about five other similar guys. So when he asks you to meet up for drinks, you think: why not? You haven’t gone on a proper date in awhile because guys suck and no one can commit a few hours to a complete stranger. And hey, you’ll finally get a chance to wear that new skirt that’s been hanging up, collecting dust in your wardrobe.
It’s T-minus five minutes to meeting the guy and you’re roughly fifteen minutes away. It’s always better to be slightly late than awkwardly waiting for a blind date outside a bar. You pause and whip out your mirror to do a quick check for stray hairs or lipstick smudges. Then you pull out your phone, fire up the dating app and click on his profile to check his name and his picture.
Brown hair, brown eyes and tan skin.
Okay shouldn’t be too hard to spot someone that looks like that. As you get closer to the bar’s entrance you scan the people searching for a face that could be the guy. It can’t be that brunette with his arm around that blonde chick. Or the business men laughing in a trio. There’s a guy leaning against the railing by himself. Probably a safe bet. You make your way over and your heart sinks.
No. It can’t be. Maybe he’s late or stood you up. The guy looks up, directly at you and smiles toothily. You walk over nervously and he says your name. A feeling of dread creeps up. Up closer, it’s even more apparent. He looks nothing like his photos. He’s bigger than he appeared. Or he is balding. Maybe his huge acne scars are screaming at you. Honestly, you are not a bad person for feeling turned off by any of his physical features. You can’t help how you feel about a person’s physical features. And online dating does start off with physical looks. Before you can madly dash away, he compliments you and asks you if you want to go in. You can’t just say: No Freddie, I don’t want to. I’m not attracted to you at all.
So you take a deep breath, go into the bar and proceed to down two glasses of wine whilst idly chatting to the guy whom you neither want to sleep with or date.
Honestly, there are only two things you should have done before agreeing to go on the date:
- ZOOM INTO THAT PICTURE. Really take a good look at his profile pictures and decide whether or not you are attracted to him before going on that date.
- Stalk him on social media (if it’s linked to his dating profile). Scroll through his Instagram or Facebook profile. Find photos with different angles to make sure you know what he really looks like.