Should you get a gift for someone you just started dating?

The texts are good, you’ve been out a handful of times, and suddenly it’s December. Do you buy them something? If you do and they don’t, is that a problem? If you don’t and they do, is that worse?

It feels like a test, but gift research suggests a different way to look at it.

Givers and receivers want different things

Psychologists Jeff Galak, Julian Givi and Elanor Williams reviewed years of gift studies in 2016. Their framework is simple: givers think about the moment of opening, the surprise and the reaction. Recipients think about whether they’ll actually use the thing once they own it.1 A flashy gift that wows for ten seconds can lose to a plain one they’ll use all winter.

That’s useful early on, when you don’t know them well. A gift doesn’t have to show how much you feel. It just has to fit them.

Don’t be scared of thoughtful

A 2017 study by Givi and Galak found givers shy away from sentimental gifts, things tied to a shared memory or moment, more often than recipients would want. The reason was nerves: givers felt less sure a sentimental gift would land.2 When you’re four dates in, that might mean a print of the place you had your first date, or the book they mentioned on the second.

Keep the scale small, though. Sentimental doesn’t have to mean big. The thing to avoid is a gift that suggests more commitment than you’ve talked about.

A gift can change how they see the relationship

In a 1999 study, consumer researchers Julie Ruth, Cele Otnes and Frédéric Brunel looked at how receiving a gift reshaped relationships. Depending on how the recipient read it, a gift could strengthen a bond, confirm it, weaken it, or in some cases help end it.3 An expensive gift too early can come across as pressure. A thoughtless one can read as not caring.

Money matters here too. In a Barclays survey of UK adults released October 26, 2026, 45% of Gen Z said rising costs had affected their ability to go on new dates, and 40% said they’d feel awkward talking about money with a potential partner.4 If you’re both broke, a plan (skating, a holiday market, cooking together) may be the better gift.

Talk first, then buy

The easiest fix is to ask. “Are we doing gifts?” is less awkward than a mismatched exchange. If that question feels too big, it may be because the real question is what you are to each other, and how to ask what are we is a better place to start. If you’re still not sure, situationship or relationship lays out the difference.

One caveat: most of this gift research looks at friends, family and couples in general. It wasn’t done on new daters, so treat it as a guide, not a rule.